Wild Mind

Sat Zazen last night for about 20 minutes. My judging mind wants to say it was not such a good sitting. But in essence there are no good or bad sittings, or so I’ve been taught.

My delusory mind sure wants to see it that way at the moment. The mind chatter, day dreaming and sleepiness were to say the least, quite challenging. All I could really do was bring my self back to the breath. I even tried breath counting and noticed my mind starting to make up day dreams based on what number I was on. I tried my best to just be with the mind state the way it was, but for the first time in a long while I found that my patience just wasn’t there. I ended up cutting the sitting short by 10 minutes. Again the judgment came in about that and I really tried to just be with it rather than feeding the guilt and disappointment I felt.

You know, recounting the experience a day later I’m getting the impression that the sitting was actually a very good one in that I had a lot to work with and had good practice at consistently bringing myself back to the present moment. This realization helps with the resistance to sitting that I’ve been dealing with lately. Not attaching a negative judgment to my sitting helps me want to sit again tonight. Believe it or not I’m less afraid of being alone, one on one with my wild mind now.